Doubts be gone;

I was just about to post another annoying update about the fact that I’m still having doubts about my winter trip to Europe but I randomly decided to check the fabric website for drum n bass listings in December, not really expecting to see anything as listings go up 1st November.

Well, I got a surprise when I saw 3 gigs and guess what? I think all my doubts about making the right decision are gone. As my friends here in Perth & NZ keep gushing about their NYE plans, I’ve been getting more & more uncertain about my decision. Well I just found out I’ll be seeing most of them in December anyway, and a few others I’ve been dying to see again. So while people in Perth will be paying $300 to see half the artists, I’ll be seeing 23 of them for $90 (over 3 nights), plus more to be announced & some who I haven’t seen in 2 or 3 years.

I guess you could say I have nothing to worry about anymore. I’m seeing all the artists I wanted to, an experience you can only get in London. Summer in Perth can wait. I’ve got 2 weeks to relax by the water before Europe & then 2 weeks after with Ksenia.

I’m so happy to have reached this point. Lets hope these doubts are all behind me now.

Where is home?

I’ve been very confused recently about where I consider home. Past few weeks, I’ve started thinking about how at home I feel here in Perth, something I never thought would ever happen because I used to despise Perth purely because I was forced to move here. I’ve made some really good friends here & feel like I’ve found a place here where I fit.

But speaking to Zhora, one of my close friends from NZ last week made me realise where home is: West Auckland. Speaking to Ksenia & Sophie makes me miss them but when I talk to Zhora, I miss her AND home. As much as Ksenia & Sophie are my best friends, Zhora is the one the most like me so her describing things back home actually makes me feel like I’m there but then I get sad because I realise it’s her, not me.

So last week, I had a massive rush of home sickness overcome me, 4 years after I moved.

Will I ever overcome it? Or is it like your first love, something you will never forget?

Distance;

I look at drum n bass line ups and no longer care. The only ones I care about seeing are the ones I’m seeing in Bali in 6 weeks. It’s a little crazy how my life once evolved around drum n bass but now that’s not the case. Maybe I’m going through one of my phases or maybe I’ve finally come to terms with it all. The fact that I don’t have to be out every weekend, going to the same clubs, seeing the same crowd, making small chit chat with the same social group.

I distanced myself from this crowd 5 weeks ago, the week before my birthday. After spending a week on the east coast of Australia, I went out the other night for a friends birthday. Nothing’s changed. Same crowd, same group, same atmosphere. I actually couldn’t wait to get out of there.

When I sign onto Facebook, I see constant updates about this gig, that gig & of course, New Years Eve. When I see the names of the artists, I don’t feel anything. I’ve seen them all & don’t feel like I have to see them again, even though one of my favourite artists will be coming over.

I no longer care about missing out. I already know that when I look back in 5 years time, all these gigs will blur into one. They already are starting to.

New & improved Anna?